Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
