I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Operation Purity has been aborted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
