Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
