Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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