I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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