they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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