There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
