I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
