reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
