NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
