whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
