going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
