Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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