you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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