Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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