I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
