how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
