My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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