i would punch a child for taco bell
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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