I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
