I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
