Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
