Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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