I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
