The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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