I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
