shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
