Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she peed on how many people?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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