I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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