Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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