My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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