quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
