why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
