sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
