the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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