It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this will be a night to untag.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
