meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
