i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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