It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
