The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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