I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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