Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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