I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He shit in the fireplace
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
