He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
