I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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