it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
