Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think my mom watched the whole time
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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