Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
