I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
