i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
