I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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