Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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