If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
