I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
