youre lurking in front of me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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