Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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