Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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