did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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