In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
