Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
